Current mood:
cheerful
In honor of 2008, the year of the Rat, I cheerfully announce the official arrival of my newest family member, Natalie Joy, the enucleated, hairless Rattus Norvegicus. That’s a bald, one eyed rat, to the layman.
She tiny, and young, and unstoppable. Her eye was removed due to trauma and infection. If thy right eye offends thee, pluck it out. (Though, in this case, the left eye was the culprit.) She’s altogether the perfect mascot for the new year.
She’s hairless. Aside from a little peach fuzz she is completely unarmored against the cold. She is completely happy to depend on her family to make sure she stays warm. I want to be like that. I am tired of constantly playing defense, of burying myself under layers of emotional armor so I don’t have to depend on anyone else to help make things right. I want to be naked and completely assured that someone will always be there to keep me warm.
She’s missing her left eye, due to surgery, and her stitches come out on friday. She is completely without fear or worry. She makes no attempt to use her one good eye for bilateral vision. What’s going on over there does not concern her. She stares straight ahead at what she wants, and damn everything else. Someday I will be like that. I will turn a blind eye to the past, to the things that hurt and make me angry, and I will focus only on what brings me joy. Hanging onto something just because it is a part of us no matter how much pain it brings us is foolish. Sometimes you just have to let it go and do without.
Natalie is joyful. She is full of affection for her new family, and excited about everything we have to offer. I am so happy to have her here.
2007 is dead. Long live 2008! Long live the bald little one-eyed rattie!
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Dec 18, 2007
Current mood:calm
After no electricity for 7 and one half days, I learned something valuable about myself, which is that I happen to like electricity. I’m not married to it, you understand. I think I dealt with the inconvenience admirably. There was much reading by candlelight and blanketty fun, covered in dogs and cats and hippies. Really though, electricity=hairdryer=fabulous.
The sun shines today, blindingly through the space left by the fallen trees. The ice had gotten to me. The grey days and early nights, bookmarked by the crash of falling branches heavy with ice, eventually make it seem like you are completely isolated, completely forgotten. Julius, my oldest rattie, died a few weeks ago, and the cold and loneliness were hard on his brother, which in turn was hard on me. It was difficult not to over identify with the little guy. I, too, was cold. I, too, had lost my larger, older brother that had often been a blanket to me. The absence of his slow, steady presence was magnified in the lightless cold. Poor Marcus. I know what that’s like.
My mother’s best friend, my aunt of spirit but not blood, died last Thursday during the ice storm. Her cancer overcame her and she was gone. Her family and friends surrounded her in the cold, and a generator powered the machines that monitored her very last breath. I went to her funeral yesterday. My mother is inconsolable. Her son and her best friend are gone. Helplessness is a sensation I struggle with in the best of times, and it overwhelms me now. I want so much to take all of her pain away. Someday, years from now, maybe I will begin to deal with my own loss, but for now I worry about my mother. She is strong. She has survived the early death of her father, the death of her first husband’s body, her second husband’s conscience, and now her son and her oldest friend. I have never been so determined to be healthy and happy in my whole life. It is the only thing I can give her.
That said, here we come upon another death. 2007 is breathing its final, ragged breaths. I can not say I am sorry to see it go. In its suffering it has wounded all of us. No one I know escaped it untouched. But 2008 is the year of the Rat, the cleverest and most industrious of us all. I have determined that next December will not find me crying in the dark, will not find me cold. Within me is a great tolerance for pain, sure, but there is also a tremendous capacity for joy. 2008 is a year for joy, mine and everyone else’s.
I wish you all the very best. From the deepest parts of my heart and soul, I send you joy.
Remove Nov 25, 2007
Gallimaufry is my new favorite word.
Remove Oct 26, 2007
“hey andrew” (gorski/oak)
hey andrew i miss you dearly
just thought you’d like to know
i’m seeing things more clearly
than i ever have before
and life’s taken more sincerely
not that anyone’s keeping score tonight
you gave me more than i had the right
i see you up ahead and i’m not far behind
i’ll cherish the times ziplocked in my mind
cannonballs off the dock
and i swear i’m fine
i swear i’m fine
your chair it holds your comfort
as i read here with your ghost
your fingers turn the pages
i can feel that you are close tonight
you gave me more than i had the right
i see you up ahead and i’m not far behind
i’ll cherish the times ziplocked in my mind
cannonballs off the dock
in the warm sun of may
and i swear i’m fine
i swear i’m fine
Remove Oct 24, 2007
David,
I’m sorry it took me so long to write. It’s not that I didn’t want to, believe me. Somehow I got it in my head that I should wait until my head was clearer, my thoughts prettier. This morning I realized that there is nothing in this I can make into poetry. You deserve words more elegant and perfect than I will ever create, but all I have are these.
I miss you. My grief is quiet and cold. It never leaves me. Thank you for your letter. Nothing stops her sadness, but it has brought our mother peace, and for that my gratitude is without end. I wanted to read it at your funeral, but I was as ill-equipped to speak then as I am now.
I wish that I had more for you but that’s all there is. I pray that you can take it as the sincere effort it is. I love you, Brother.
Michelle
re-posted in various other places, because I have little else to say.
Remove Jun 22, 2007
Current mood:
energetic
Guess who got her a$$ back to yoga, after the longest hiatus since the last longest hiatus. It’s at the Y, and there are usually at least 2 classes a day with all the y’s in the area, so who wants to join me? Anyone’s welcome. Women with children who never take enough time for their own sweet selves are doubly invited. (Kimmy, Nicole, this means you!!) Women who play too much WoW are also most welcome. (Hi, Michelle! How’s it going?) If not yoga, then whatever. A rousing game of Squash?
Remove Jan 7, 2007
You scored 0% which means you are
a hardcore liberal.
You believe in governmental action to achieve equal opportunity and equality for all, and that it is the duty of the State to alleviate social ills and to protect civil liberties and individual and human rights. Believe the role of the government should be to guarantee that no one is in need. Believe that people are basically good.
Conservative or Liberal
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Dude! A zero. It’s like I flunked republicanism.
Remove Jan 7, 2007
You are 96% Bohemian!
Wow! You’re like the scholar or curator, you’ve got an open mind and a passion for the arts. Forget what other people think - you live life to its full and you’re happy because of that.
Are You Bohemian?
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Remove Jan 1, 2007
Current mood:calm
We must be willing to let go of the life we have planned, so as to have the life that is waiting for us.
- E. M. Forster
Remove Jan 1, 2007
Current mood:
ecstatic
Dear Future,
I apologize if you find me giddy. I cant help myself. I am so excited to meet you.
Love,
Meechelle
Remove Dec 31, 2006
Current mood:
uncomfortable
You scored as
Blue. Your heart is blue. You are a very calm and relaxed person. You are very caring and like helping others. You’re grateful for what you have in life, even if it’s not perfect. People love you for who you are, don..’t ever change that- it’s what makes you the great person that you are.
Blue
89%
Pink
86%
Yellow
71%
Purple
61%
White
29%
Orange
25%
Black
25%
Green
14%
Red
14%
~What colour is your heart?~created with
QuizFarm.com
Remove Dec 31, 2006
Current mood:
exanimate
Michelle Dawn forced communism on the world.… afterward, Michelle Dawn went to the movies alone.‘How will you be remembered in history books?’ at
QuizGalaxy.com
Remove Dec 30, 2006
Just listen to the Smiths until you’re better…. By comparison.
Remove Dec 25, 2006
Current mood:cheerful
Name:
Michelle Dawn, but you may call me the MessiahBirthdate:
November 13, 1979- A date that shall live in infamy. Infamy, I tell you!Birthplace:
A hospital. Most likely a bed. I barely remember as I was very busy . There was an evacuation, you see…Current Location:
San Francisco. At my desk.Eye Color:
It’s just brownHair Color:
That’s just brown right now too, but the red, she always comes back.Height:
5’6 1/2” or soWeight:
One million british pounds. Think how much that is american! No, between 130 and 140, depending on if I’m eating that week.Piercings:
Spinal! No, just ears. 2 and 3, because symmetry is overrated.Boyfriend/Girlfriend:
Not I, said the owl.Overused Phraze:
“Awesome!” “How about no? How does no suit you?” “That’s great, Guys.” “Well, for god’s sake, why not?”FAVORITESFood:
Bleh. Whatever.Candy:
Well earned white chocolateNumber:
9, 13, 31. and sometimes 6Color:
Red or dead, baby!Animal:
Hippo! Drink:
Alcoholic? Margaritas and cheap champagne, most wine. Non? Diet dr pepper even though I gave up artificial sweetener.Body Part on Opposite sex:
Can I be cheesy? Can I say eyes? Is eyes taken? Is voice a body part? If I say mouth am I being tacky?This or ThatPepsi or Coke:
Coke, but diet pleaseMcDonalds or BurgerKing:
That is just disgustingStrawberry or Watermelon:
Oooohhh boy…. Strawberry… ahem…Hot tea or Ice tea:
Hot!Chocolate or Vanilla
VanillaHot Chocolate or Coffee:
Coffee. Latte. Soy.Kiss or Hug:
Yes?Dog or Cat:
Yes. And Rats. And fishies and birdies.Summer or Winter:
WinterScary Movies or Funny Movies:
Funny movies are scary. I don’t know. Who am I with?Love or Money:
Love. This question is to weed out the stupid people, isn’t it?YOUR…Bedtime:
Whenever I fall over.Most Missed Memory:
It’s all coming back to meBest phyiscal feature:
My absence. ;) Uh, I have no idea. Ears?First Thought Waking Up:
Where is my phone?Goal for this year:
Many things, culminating in the first of many best christmases.Best Friends:
Cristin, Krista, Joey, Ryan, Amanda, Nicole, Mark & Julie, Rickly, Adam, Michelle, Scott, Eric, my mom, and yes, my pets DO countFears:
Snakes. Other more nebulous things, but really, mostly just snakesLongest relationship:
Hahahahah… Ask me next yearHAVE YOU…Ever been Drunk:
Like a glass of water. ;)Ever been beaten up:
Haven’t we all?Ever beaten someone up:
Uh, well, yeah, but it was SO justified and well before pacifism set in.Ever Skinny Dipped:
Used to all the time, late at night in my parents’ pool. I was alone though.Ever Kissed Opposite sex:
Who wrote this quiz???? Yes. It was everything I hoped it would be.IN A GUY/GIRLFavorite Hair Color:
Not blonde. I’m a huge fan of not blonde.Short or Long:
We’re talking about….? Oh, hair! Uh… Who cares? Short? I don’t know.Height:
I prefer looking up to looking down, but really, I don’t care much.Style:
Style? They come in styles now? Casual? Not too much prettier than me?Looks or Personality:
BothRANDOMSNumber of Regrets in the Past:
1What country do you want to Visit:
Well, I do know about 10 really useful words in german.How do you want to Die:
Frequently.Do you like Thunderstorms:
Yes.Get along with your Parents:
Mother=Awesome. Father=EhHealth Freak:
Sometimes. But only because I love you.Believe in Yourself:
In clear moments. I lose sight in the dark like any non-vampire.Want to go to College:
More college. Must have more college.Shower Daily:
Do baths count?Been in Love:
YeahDo you Sing:
Badly and frequentlyWant to get Married:
Are you proposing? Where’s the ring? I don’t like diamonds.Do you want Children:
Only certain onesHave your future kids names planned out:
Yes. And I have their room wallpapered and their college applications filled out. Sarcasm. It’s not just for breakfast anymore.Age you wanna lose your Virginity:
Uh… 20 worked out well. I choose 20Hate anyone:
Nope.CREATE YOUR OWN! - or -
GET PAID TO TAKE SURVEYS!
Remove Dec 23, 2006
Current mood:surprised
And that was an earthquake.
Warren Ellis Beautiful. 
cooky/wacky
amused
confused
sleepy